Nine years ago to date, I was faced with the biggest decision of my life. I had just graduated from college and found out I was pregnant!!!! At this point, as many women do, I started considering my options. Is this really what I want for my life? Is this the right time to have a baby?
A couple weeks into my pregnancy, I considered having an abortion. But let me tell you that was not my idea. It was actually suggested to me by the physician that treated me in the Emergency Room for a panic attack (but that’s a story for another time – stay tuned). During my ER visit, the doctor told me an abortion might be a more viable option. Can you believe that? At the time, the seed was planted and I was seriously considering it. In hindsight, my problem wasn’t that he told me I should have an abortion, my problem was that it was the first option he offered. Luckily for me, I had people in my life that were willing to support me no matter what choice I made. I’m grateful for those that stood in the gap for me and held me up. I’m also extremely glad that I didn’t go through with it. However, I know this isn’t the case for so many of us. As a doula I get to see the challenges that other women face. I get to hold their hand. I get to hear their vulnerabilities and educate them on ALL the options available to them. And I understand, not only because I struggled during my pregnancy, because through this new purpose and perspective I get to be that person who holds space for women that have to now make the hardest decisions of their lives.
We are living in a time where we are constantly fighting for our reproductive rights and access to healthcare. Im glad that we do have a choice but no one said those choices would be easy!
I want you to be encouraged in the fact that you don’t have to be ALONE. If you are faced with having to make this decision, don’t do it alone. Even if you are alone, and feel like you don’t
have anyone in your corner, know that there are doulas available at all price points. A full spectrum doula would support you through any and every stage of YOUR journey, whether you choose to have an abortion or stick it out for 9 months. I think it’s cool that doulas, like me, would be with you, sit with you, cry with you, wait on you and in that last second if you decide to not do it, they will walk out with you too.
I pray that everyone has someone to go through this with. And again, if you don’t, get you a me!
That’s the end of my first diary entry!!!!!!!! And in the words of the infamous Erykah Badu, "I'm sensitive about my $h*t!” I haven’t shared this story with a lot of people but I shared it
today to say that you aren’t the only one going through this, and that at any age having a child is the most difficult decision you will ever have to make. I just hope you have a circle to depend on in the midst of it all, and if you don’t you always have the OPTION to build one.
P.S. Everything reminds me of a song. So to the ladies that went ahead with an abortion, and struggle with forgiveness and letting go, this is for you...
“Let the tears fall down
Let them soften this ground
Let our hearts be found…”